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The Perfect Pastor
The ideal pastor preaches exactly 20 minutes. He condemns sin, but never hurts anyone's feelings. He works from to , and also serves as the church janitor. He makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, and donates $30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years of experience. He is both tall and short, thin and heavyset, and has one brown eye and one blue eye. He makes 15 house calls a day and is always in his office.
If your pastor does not measure up to these criteria, send this list to six other churches that are also dissatisfied with their pastor. Then, bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of the list. In one week you will receive 1,643 pastors. Surely one of them will be perfect. Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its old pastor back in three months.